I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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