Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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