I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
