Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
