I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
