I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
