McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
