Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
