Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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