I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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