All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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