I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
