god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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