After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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