All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
