I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
