4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
