I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
