he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
