Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you win again, gameday.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
