do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
