Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Michael Bay diarrhea
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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