It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
