You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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