got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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