At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
how drunk are you?
Several
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
