I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
