I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
