I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
