Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
