I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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