dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
