You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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