The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
