Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Brb crying the tears of my youth
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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