the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
