No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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