I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
