You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
