Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
