dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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