i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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