did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
