Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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