my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
