Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
