I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
