what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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