I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
