No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
